Why Saying What You Feel Is So Hard — And How to Change That

Hello Beautiful Souls

Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, "Why didn’t I just say how I really feel?" Or maybe you’ve found yourself bottling up emotions, only to have them explode later in frustration or tears.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. As a life coach and Reiki practitioner, I see this every day — women who are strong, capable, and caring, yet struggle to speak their truth or ask for what they need.

The truth is, communication — especially emotional communication — is hard for so many reasons. But the good news? It’s a skill you can learn and grow.

In this post, we’ll explore: 

✨ Why it’s so hard to communicate your needs and emotions. 

✨ What happens when we don’t. 

✨ And simple first steps to begin speaking your truth — with love and power.

Why Communication Feels So Hard

1. We Were Never Taught How

Let’s be real — how many of us were raised in families where feelings were openly talked about? Most of us were taught to hide our feelings, "be strong," or "not make a scene." So now, as adults, we don’t have the language to express what we feel, let alone how to ask for what we need.

"You can’t speak a language you were never taught."

If no one modeled healthy communication for you, of course it feels hard now.

2. Fear of Rejection or Conflict

Many of us fear that if we share our true feelings, people might:

• Reject us.

• Judge us.

• Get angry or leave.

So instead, we stay quiet to keep the peace — but inside, we feel resentful, lonely, and misunderstood.

But here’s the thing: avoiding conflict doesn't create peace — it creates distance.

3. We Don’t Even Know What We Feel

Sometimes, the problem isn’t just saying how we feel — it’s knowing what we feel in the first place. We say, "I’m fine" or "I don’t know what’s wrong with me," because we’re disconnected from our own emotions.

I remember when I worked with my own coach a few years ago, I used to think "never getting angry" was a good thing — something to be proud of. But I soon realized I had actually suppressed my anger for so long, I didn’t recognize it anymore. Through coaching, I was surprised to discover how often I did feel frustration, irritation — little whispers of anger I had been ignoring for years.

Emotional clarity takes practice — and that’s okay.

4. Language That Hurts Instead of Connects

Even when we try to express ourselves, we often use language that pushes people away. Marshall Rosenberg, creator of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), explains how:

• Blame, judgment, and criticism trigger defensiveness.

• People shut down when they feel attacked.

So instead of sharing a need, we say:

• "You never listen to me."

• "You always make me feel bad."

Which makes real connection almost impossible.

What Happens When We Don’t Communicate Our Needs and Emotions

When we can’t express ourselves:

• Relationships suffer — because people don’t know how to support us.

• Resentment builds — as unspoken needs go unmet.

• Our self-worth shrinks — because we’re constantly putting others' needs above our own.

Unspoken emotions don’t go away. They show up in anxiety, frustration, and even physical illness.

First Steps to Start Communicating with Love and Confidence

Okay, so what do we do if we’ve never been taught how to speak our truth?

Here are 3 gentle steps to begin:

Step 1: Get Curious About Your Feelings

Start by checking in with yourself regularly.

Ask:

• "What am I feeling right now?"

• "What do I need in this moment?"

You can write it down or say it out loud. The more you name your emotions, the easier they are to understand and express.

Example:

• "I’m feeling overwhelmed because I need some quiet time to recharge."

Step 2: Use “I” Statements

Instead of blaming, speak from your own experience. This opens the door to connection, not conflict.

Example:

• Instead of: "You never help me."

• Say: "I’m feeling really overwhelmed and I need some help around the house."

“I” statements own your feelings and invite support.

Step 3: Practice Asking for What You Need

It’s okay to have needs. You’re human! Start small and practice asking clearly.

Example:

• "I’m feeling tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow instead?"

• "I’m feeling upset and I need some reassurance right now."

The more you practice, the easier it gets.

You Deserve to Be Heard

If no one has told you this before, let me say it now:

Your feelings matter. Your needs are valid. You deserve to be heard.

Learning to communicate is a journey — and every small step counts. Whether you're just beginning to tune into your feelings or learning to ask for what you need, you're already creating more connection and clarity in your relationships.

In the next blog, I’ll introduce a simple and surprisingly effective tool I developed with a client — the “25 Sentences” rule — to help you say everything you need to say (without holding back or assuming others should just know). You won’t want to miss it.

If this resonated with you…

💛 Comment below: What’s one thing you wish you could say out loud? 

💛 Share this blog with someone who needs to hear this. 

💛 Follow me for the next part of this series — "The 25 Sentences Rule: Saying Everything You Need to Say)."

Sending you lots of love,

Nicole